Blackened hands and burning trees
October 28, 2003 1:53 PM
Soundtrack: something rappish on chris's computer.
Macbeth ended last night... a tummult of emotion accompanies the close of the most wonderful show i've worked on here... no, ever.
Talking to fellow actors, and even to john, i get this sense that this hurting, this ripped emotion is essential to what we DO. this is part of it. the commitment essential to doing this over and over, time after time, is part of what makes it so great. yes, it hurts. because it will never be back, it can never be again, because we've lost something. and it is wonderful because, despite this shredding loss, we all would do it again in a heartbeat.
During strike, memories washed over me like ghosts. the silent, nighttime theater building is like a picture book. each scene (the stairs veiwed a certain way, the seats in russel, from the stage, out of the corner of my eye.) summons to my mind unbidden memories. Josie singing to me in the theatre, playing with the echos and the darkness. how i almost left, but, in the hall, stopped and turned back. and stood with her for an hour, even though i could feel my heart breaking, listening to her voice ringing in the emptyness. another flash, standing in the darkness on the mainstage, under the soft goods loft: the smell of betsy's skin in the dusty air. the feeling of her fingers on my face. the soft caress of her breath on my neck, and shared nothings whispered into the void...
there was talk today of closure for this show, like for a dead friend. we all need it. i'll start here.
Goodbye, dearest companion of fall. we've all laughed and wept and poured our souls into you. now, as is the natue of these things we set you adrift on the sea of our collective memory, hence to be witnessed only, as Christopher puts it, as a gleam flaring in the eye of somebody who knows. knows what you were because they were there, and they paid attention.
last entry / next entry
last five entries:
bye - January 21, 2004
Pretension as high art (or bad writing) also known as "Look at me! i'm misrable!" - January 02, 2004
Headaches and woodsmoke - December 13, 2003
Blackened hands and burning trees - October 28, 2003
face on the near side of my eyelids. - October 21, 2003
